Standing proudly at the top of the food chain for centuries, humans see no end to their evolutionary reign over the planet’s resources and species. Even while the waistbands of pants expand, our ability to tolerate physical endurance wanes, and our proclivity towards mind-altering vices holds strong, the most inept of humans are unconsciously sitting in the throne of the proverbial naturalist hierarchy. Nothing seems to stand in our way as we use and dispose of the earth like a giant tampon and shout “I’m gonna live forever!” Yet all the while, the greatest threat to the fate of the human species is ourselves.
The Pleasure Brigade of North Korea’s Ruling Elite
The inner-workings of North Korea’s government is a confusing muddle of disillusionment and grandeur, and it continues to exact terrifyingly strict control over access information, isolating itself from the rest of the world to protect its secrets. There are many instances where the north has displayed morally and rationally questionable behavior (excluding, of course, the late Kim Jong-Il’s uncanny sense of style), supplying ample material to mock the country’s leaders and totalitarian regime. Throwing an entire log onto this fire is a recent unearthing of a government-run program that has been widely concealed for the better part of 30 years: The Pleasure Brigade. Continue reading
The Chicago Everleigh Club: The Pinnacle of Brothels
It’s 1902. You’re a notable, wealthy and swarthy prince hailing from the Balkans on a trip to the US to procure a present for your brother (a boat). Dying to sample what the American estrogen market has to offer, as well as an exemplary meal of oysters and caviar, washed down with live music and champagne before retiring to your gold-laden Japanese throne room, you wonder where you might go to sate your understandable desires while that damn boat is built. And then, thanks to the intel your fear-driven minions retrieved for you, you discover that such an adult playground exists, in one high-end extravagant bonanza. Welcome, dear prince, to the Everleigh Club.
The “My Way” Killings
Like any decent god fearing nation, the Philippines loves karaoke, but unlike most other nations they have the unique problem of murdering each other over it. Though it would be unfair to say that karaoke as a whole is the issue here, as it’s actually just one song that causes normally reasonable people to kill. What violent rap and/or death metal song might drive people to commit such heinous crimes? “My Way” by Frank Sinatra.
The Immortal Nils Olav
Sir Nils Olav is a complete fraud. As Colonel-in-Chief of the Norwegian Army he has presided over four decades of the nation’s military engagements, including Afghanistan, all without ever having seen a day of combat himself. He’s never even held a gun, and what’s more, Nils Olav isn’t even his real name. All of this would be grounds for scandal and dismissal in virtually every other armed forces on earth, but this is the Norwegian Army, and Nils Olav is a penguin.
A penguin. Continue reading
The People of the Past (Were Morons) or The Future (is Easy to Predict)
In 1988 the now-defunct LA Times magazine supplement came out with an issue that aimed to predict a day in the life of the average Los Angelino in the year 2013. Now that once futuristic date is upon us, and the Times has dredged their archives to reprint the magazine in full. The document, currently online, is a fascinating read that begs an important question: was everyone in 1988 retarded or something?
Chalga and Bulgaria’s Discontent
There is a musical genre excessively popular among Bulgarian youths that is the tangible nightmare of Christian fundamentalists everywhere. Chalga, an amorphous entity that embodies music, dance, culture, and even melons, is a combination of hyper-sexualized body movements and lyrics carried out by horny youths in cheap drag. You can practically feel the disgusting hormones raging beneath their fake tans from here. Continue reading
The Popes that Could Have Been
In the wake of Pope Bendict Arnold’s rather surprising[1] retirement, the Vatican was thrown into the deep end earlier than expected, jockeying to find and select the next messenger of God with great haste, lest the Christian population be damned to, well, damnation. Continue reading
The Bone Wars
The Bone Wars may sound like a 90’s sex comedy, but they are in reality about paleontology, and have little, if anything, to do with Jason Biggs. If this disclaimer has turned you off the reading of this article I implore you to press on, because what The Bone Wars are in actuality is vastly more entertaining. They are the story of how two great men’s rivalry and ersatz dick-measuring contest resulted in almost everything we know about dinosaurs. There’s also a little sex in it.
Though not between them, probably.